I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
