last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
