You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
