If that was your dad, he is hot
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
