It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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