So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
