i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
