i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
