i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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