We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just pee around me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
