Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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