i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
