So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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