I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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