Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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