I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
