rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
