smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
