weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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