All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
