eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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