We won't sleep together?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need to sanitize my soul.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
