So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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