remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you traded sex for a burrito?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
