Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
