i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
