She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
