I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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