So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
