I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
