i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
