so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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