i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
