I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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