sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
