sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
