My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
