wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
