It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
