not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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