Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
