I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I look better un-naked...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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