I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
