were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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