i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Terrible idea I love it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
