Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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