Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
