Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
