made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
