thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
