Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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