I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
