Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
